A Week in a Plagued SGC
by Brandytook
Summary: When SG-1 comes back from a planet bearing a virus which infects ones brain and makes mood swings an every hour occurence, um, something ensues, hopefully chaos and humor.
1. Irritable

Own nothing, never will. First ever SG-1 fic, and I probably don't know enough to even dare attempt a fic, but oh well. You can't call me patient.  
  
"Would you stop fidgeting," Daniel snapped from where he sat on the isolation room's bed.  
"We should be out there," Jack said. "Helping, somehow."  
"Jack, you heard Dr. Frasier, we'd be more of a hindrance then a help. You want to infect all of SGC? We're just supposed to let it run its course."  
"Do we even know how long that will take?" Jack demanded.  
Daniel sighed and put his head in his hands, Jack continued pacing, "Just, cut it out! Okay?"  
Jack glared at him and threw himself into one of the plastic stackable chairs that littered all the isolation rooms.  
"You realize that we have no idea how long it'll take for this thing to run its course? Don't you?"  
"Dr. Frasier said less then a week."  
"Do we know if she's right? Maybe she's lying, giving us false hope."  
There was a reason two of the SGC's members were even more irritable then usual, but no one could figure out what it was. Dr. Frasier said it must be some kind of virus they'd picked up and it was affecting their brain chemistry or something, no one was ever really sure what Dr. Frasier was talking about, but they had to include her just so it seemed like everything was scientifically possible. If a doctor said it was true then it had to be true, right? Anyway SG-1 had come back from P5X-745 and Jack and Daniel had been at their most annoying, Teal'c was of course impervious. No one knew why Sam wasn't infected (the real reason is the author is no good at writing Sam and likes to keep Jack and Daniel to herself.) No one knew anything and it didn't help that the Tok'ra were going through a minor crisis and had requested assistance. One of their leaders had gone missing and more then half the SG teams were out looking for her.  
All and all it was looking like it would turn out to be a awful week. Jack stood and began pacing again.  
"Jack!" Daniel nearly screamed, just the noise of Jack's boots striking the floor was driving him up the wall.  
Jack chose to ignore Daniel and continued his march back and forth across the room.  
"How many rooms does the SGC have again?" Daniel asked the wall. "Why are we sharing one?"  
"They thought it'd be more enjoyable if we had company," Jack muttered.  
Daniel sighed and rolled onto his back, staring at the bottom of the bunk above him. He was sure that wasn't the reason, it was most likely some sort of nefarious plot to drive them both insane.  
Eventually Jack got tired of pacing and resumed his seat in the plastic chair, Daniel had worked himself into such a funk that he'd fallen into a resentful sleep. He was lying absolutely still.  
Jack's anger was gone and immediately replaced with worry. "Daniel?" All the sudden he was totally freaked, something in the back of his brain noted the abrupt change in moods and wondered if this was what Doctor Frasier had been talking about. "Daniel?" he said again and leapt from his seat and to Daniel's side. He shook him slightly and Daniel opened his eyes smiling.  
"Hiya Jack!" he said.  
"Daniel are you okay?"  
"Super," Daniel said and sat up quickly, knocking Jack in the forehead in the process.  
The two of them sat there for a moment staring at each other, Daniel was smiling stupidly, in a better mood then he could ever remember being before.  
"You worried me," Jack said sulkily.  
"Sorry," Daniel said.  
"Are you sure you're okay?"  
"Mm hm," Daniel chirped. "You hungry?"  
Jack shook his head  
"Jack, you okay?"  
"Sure."  
"Okay, that's not true," Daniel said. He was feeling rather buoyant and very patient so he pursued the problem further. "What's wrong Jack?"  
"Nothing."  
"Come on," Daniel said.  
Jack stared resolutely at his hands.  
Daniel poked him once in the ribs. "Come on."  
"I'm not exactly sure."  
Daniel was silent, trying to pull off a concerned friend look but wanting desperately to grin at Jack.  
"I'm just really . . . "  
"Maybe it's got something to do with what Dr. Fraiser said we caught."  
"Maybe," Jack shrugged.  
"Wanna play a game?" Daniel asked.  
"Not especially."  
"Come on, it'll be fun."  
Jack was silent.  
"You can pick the game," Daniel promised.  
"Daniel, I really don't feel like . . . "  
"How about twenty questions?"  
"Daniel," Jack said warningly.  
"Fine," Daniel humphed and turned his back on Jack.  
They sat in silence for a minute. "Daniel," Jack began.  
"I'm not talking to you."  
Jack resumed staring at his hands. "Are you a vegetable?" he asked at last reluctantly.  
Daniel turned around quickly and grinned at Jack again. "I have to think of one first," he chided happily.  
Jack sighed.  
"Alright! No, I'm not a vegetable."  
"I will be soon," Jack muttered, "Are you an animal?"  
"Nope."  
"Person, place or thing?"  
"Jack, that's not a yes or no question."  
"Place?"  
"No."  
"So you're a person?"  
"Yes."  
"Famous historical figure?"  
"Yeah."  
"American?"  
"Nuh anh."  
"You're a real person right? Not some mythological figure?""  
"Jack! You know that a lot of mythology is based in fact!"  
"Daniel, you know what I mean."  
"No, I'm a "real" person."  
Jack sighed. 


	2. The Plot Thickens

Meanwhile, General Hammond was feeling very antsy. He'd read the same paragraph in one of SG-9's mission reports six times now and he still wasn't sure what it said. He stretched his arms and then looked back at the report, hoping the seventh time would be the charm. He was halfway through it when he realized he'd only gotten the first sentence. Just to make sure he went back and read the first sentence again. Yeah, he'd gotten that much of it. So know he'd try the next sentence, perhaps if he took it in smaller chunks. But before he knew it he'd read the whole page, only understanding a fourth of it.  
Maybe he should try a different report.  
Before he could start the next one though there was a knock on his door.  
"Come in," General Hammond sighed.  
Dr. Frasier opened the door slowly and stuck her head in, "I'm afraid I have some bad news, sir."  
"Well spit it out doctor."  
"Major Carter was infected, it just took longer for the signs to register." (Oops, author changed her mind. She's allowed to do that right?)  
"So put her in quarantine."  
"I already have, but . . ."  
"Yes doctor?"  
"We caught the signs to late, most of the base is infected and the rest of it will be soon. I believe we should quarantine the whole base for at least a week to let the virus take its course."  
Hammond sighed, "Alright, I'll inform everyone. You see if you can't find a cure."  
"Yes sir." Doctor Frasier turned on her heel and headed off down the hallway. Didn't he realize there was no cure for this thing, it ran amuck in one's brain for awhile and then seemed to disappear, at least that's what all the tests had shown would be the outcome. Trying to find a cure was like looking for a needle in a haystack. And if she even found one it would most definitely be after the virus had run it's course among all of the SGC's members so there wouldn't even be a point to finding one anymore. She stopped her interior rant abruptly and realized it was already beginning to affect her. Which just caused her to become even more irate. 


	3. Teal'c Pays a Visit

Own nothing, never will. Sorry about the paragraphs being screwy, let's see if it works this time.  
  
They hadn't let Jack or Daniel out of the isolation room. Which neither one could understand, since the entire base was now infected it would seem they should be able to roam free.  
Jack was sleeping and Daniel was twiddling his thumbs, literally. He'd never done it before and hadn't realized how much fun it could actually be. He'd only knocked them into each other twice and was very proud of that fact.  
That's when Teal'c knocked on the door. Jack sat up and rushed past Daniel to greet Teal'c. Nothing was going to break Daniel's concentration at the moment, not for at least another eighteen seconds.  
"Have you come to let us out?" Jack demanded before Teal'c could even enter the room.  
"General Hammond has not authorized such an action."  
"Aw, c'mon," Jack said. "General Hammond isn't any more sane than we are."  
"I do not feel it is my place to release you."  
"You know I'd do the same for you," Jack said.  
"Which is --"  
"I did it!" Daniel cried. "Five minutes without bumping them in to each other."  
"Great," Jack said. "Now why don't you try for ten?"  
"You're just jealous," Daniel snapped. "Hey Teal'c. Come to free us?"  
"As I was informing O'Neill, I do not have the authority for such an action."  
"Nobody on base has the authority for such an action at the moment," Jack groused.  
"Well, let me know when we're free," Daniel said.  
Teal'c stared at the two of them in stony silence. Jack glared at Teal'c and he began inspecting the wall of the isolation room. Daniel had once again begun twiddling his thumbs. They remained this way for a good five minutes when Daniel was struck by an idea. He looked up at Jack who would not release Teal'c from his gaze. Daniel shrugged and glanced at the door.  
It was still ajar, he looked once more at Jack trying to connect with him telepathically or something, let him know there was an escape route wide open. Jack remained completely oblivious. Daniel shrugged and leapt from his chairm, dashing out the door before Teal'c could stop him.  
"Hey!" Jack called. "Hey!" and rushed toward the door as well.  
Teal'c paused momentarily, then decided this incident could not be blamed on him and seeing no reason the two of them should be contained any longer he did not interfere with Jack's escape.  
Jack chased after Daniel for a while and then slowed to a walk realizing there was not really a reason to catch up to him, besides the fact that he hadn't pointed out to him that there was an escape route available. Jack'd get him for that later.  
Jack was free in the SGC, which had been turned into a nut house. This should be a lot of fun. He headed down the hallway whistling. 


	4. Wandering the Halls

Own nothing, never will. Be warned I've finally come up with something resembling a plot, and it only barely resembles one. How does SG-1 in search of pizza sound? Not good? To bad, it's my fic. Please read anyway? Pretty please?  
  
Jack had quite quickly gotten bored. He'd only seen two people and neither of them had talked to him. It had been more fun in the isolation room with Daniel. He was so easy to aggravate when he couldn't get away. Jack grinned, that was Frasier in front of him.  
"Hey doc!" he called.  
Frasier ignored him.  
"Hey!" he called again. Frasier continued to ignore hiim.  
Jack jogged after her. He wasn't about to let another person by without talking to them. Catching up to her he tapped her on the shoulder and got no response.  
"Hey!" he shouted in her ear.  
She jumped and looked at him quizzically. "Colonel O'Neill, I didn't see you there."  
"Where are you going?" Jack asked.  
"I have something very important to do," she muttered absently.  
"Can I come with you?"  
  
"No. It's top secret."  
"I have a higher security clearance than you do," Jack reminded her.  
Frasier still looked very confused. "I can't tell you," she said shaking her head and wandering off.  
Now Jack was really bored. He would have to store away Dr. Frasier's behaviour for a round of teasing later but now . . . he was bored. he hoped this epidemic ended soon, sighing he headed for the commisary, maybe there would be someone interesting there.  
He walked along humming tunelessly, aware of everyone who walked by and ignored him. Shouldn't at least a few of them be saluting him? He deserved some sort of respect, how many times had he saved earth from a horrendous alien threat? How many? And they just walked along, completely oblivious to the fact that there was a hero among them.  
He shoulda stayed in the isolation room. More interesting in there, let all the people come to him. But that was not to happen, he had already left the safety of the isolation room and he wasn't going to return. Dank and dreary place.  
He spent a minute thinkint about what he had just thought and found himself laughing. None of it made any sense! He'd gone nuts! He'd always wondered what that would be like. It was a lot less fun then he would have imagined. There were no people popping up to talk to him, he couldn't think of any grand conspiraces, at least none that he didn't know to be true. It was all just rather . . . normal.  
He pushed open one last door and stared at the vista before him. It was eerie and yet somehow managed to remain as bland as everything else. The commisary was completely empty, not a soul in sight.  
He walked over to the long counter that was usually covered with food protected by a sneeze gaurd. Moost of it had been well picked over and what was left all seemed to be growing something or other. He wondered if it was possible to get pizza delivered to the base. Of course none of them were supposed to interact with anyone outside the base because that would spread the virus. Maybe he could get Teal'c to do it. With a little work he might be able to convince him that it would be good for everyone's moral if pizza arrived.  
He didn't feel like Teal'c would buy it but decided it was worth a try. Taking one last look at the measly offerings he ended up grabbing a banana and setting off. 


	5. Convincing Teal'c

Own nothing, never will, I'd give anything for Daniel though . . . no one's got a spare? What about Jack? Alright, alright, please (pretty please) review  
  
"Teal'c!" Jack called, stopping Teal'c in his tracks, he'd been striding down one of the SGC's many hallways looking as hagard as Teal'c ever looked. He was getting very tired of people forgetting who he was and pointing guns at him in an attempt to "save the world."  
"Teal'c," Jack said again coming abreast of him, Teal'c could not begin to express how happy he was to hear someone use his name.  
"O'Neill."  
"I've got a very important mission for you."  
"Indeed?"  
"You need to proquire pizza for the personal stuck in the SGC," Jack said trying to make it sound official, before Teal'c could ask the obvious he continued."It'll raise moral. Have you seen what's left in the commisary?"  
Teal'c shook his head.  
"Well if you had you'd understand. We need some good food and fast."  
Teal'c still did not look impressed.  
"Here," Jack said diggin into his pocket. "Here's . . . twenty, twenty-five," he continued to add up all the cash and spare change he had around his person. "Thirty-one and fifty-two cents," which wasn't exactly true because he'd given him at least two dollars in change, "take that and get as many pizzas as you can.  
"How am I to get off base."  
Jack dropped his chin to his chest with a growl. Teal'c didn't know how to drive. Or at least he didn't have a permit.  
"I'll take you." Jack said. "If I don't leave the car I can't infect anyone, right?"  
"I do not know O'Neill."  
"Well we'll see won't we? Oh, and let's see if we can find Daniel or Sam. I'll need someone to bug."  
"Will I not suffice?" 


	6. A Few More Sticks in the Works

Own nothing, ('cept the guy behind the counter, pity him,) I think I made Pete's Pizza up but if I didn't well, "one two, better not sue." (Simpsons quote, that's sorta appropriate, right?)  
  
Daniel and Sam had been found together and after coercing them to come along Jack had gotten sulky, which had in turn frustrated Daniel, leaving only Sam in something resembling good mood.  
None of them could remember what had made them think this was a good idea. The force of Jack's personality is often enough to make one change one's mind, but since Jack's personality was sulky at the moment . . . what the author is trying to establish is that they were all in very bad moods. Has she got that across? Good, on with the narrative.  
The car ride to Jack's favorite pizza place was uneventful, or uneventful enough to be skipped over.  
"It is closed, O'Neill," Teal'c stated.  
"What?"  
"The restaurant at which you wanted to acquire pizza is closed."  
"Aw, must be a Sunday." Jack leaned around Teal'c to peer out the passenger window.  
"It is indeed."  
"Why didn't you say anything?" Jack demanded.  
"You did not ask."  
"You expect me to keep track of the days when I'm--"  
"Would you two . . ." Sam and Daniel began at the same time and then turned to glare at each other, they were becoming increasingly antagonistic  
"Alright, alright," Jack said. "We'll go to 'Pete's'."  
"Jack," Daniel whined. "Their pizza tastes like--"  
"We're going to 'Pete's'!"  
Daniel sighed and slid further down into his seat.  
Jack pulled away from the curb and rejoined the flow of traffic. Sam tried repeatedly to start conversation but either Jack refused to talk or Daniel managed to sabotage it. Desperation had forced her to the point where she was almost willing to listen to fishing stories by the time they reached 'Pete's Pizza.'  
Daniel was smiling grimly to himself, Sam was restraining herself from hitting him (they were annoying each other, mood swings, remember?) and Teal'c was as impervious as ever.  
"All right big guy," Jack said. "It's up to you."  
Teal'c exited the car and made his way toward the restaurant.  
"You sure you should trust him to get the pizza?" Daniel asked.  
"It's just pizza, how badly could he screw it up?"  
Daniel and Sam had added their pocket change to the total amount to bring it to a whopping $74.32 and Daniel was starting to have second thoughts about entrusting it to Teal'c for food, Teal'c's taste being rather questionable.  
"Do you really need to ask that?" Daniel demanded.  
"I'd trust the guy with my life, I think he can handle Pizza," Jack snapped.  
"They're two very different things."  
"I agree with Jack," Sam said. "What's the worst he could do? Besides, we can't leave the car."  
"Trust me," Daniel said. "I know. I'm just saying maybe we should have given him instructions or something."  
"He'll be fine Daniel," Jack insisted.  
Meanwhile Teal'c was stuck talking to one of the most meticulous people in the service of 'Pete's Pizza'.  
"Do you want anything to drink with that?"  
"No."  
"You sure you've got everything?"  
"Yes."  
"Alright, say it one more time."  
Teal'c glared and began the list again, before he could get halfway through, "Are these larges or mediums?"  
"Large."  
Even though the man behind the counter was only trying to be helpful, he was slowly and surely incurring Teal'c's wrath. Trying to remain patient Teal'c started over at the beginning.  
"Did you start over or do you want two of everything you just said?"  
With an exasperated sigh Teal'c decided simply to ask for nine plain pizzas.  
"You do realize you were getting eight before right?" the man behind the counter asked.  
"Yes."  
"But you want nine now?"  
"Yes."  
"Okay, okay, just checking. They should be done in about ten minutes," he said and ran to the kitchen.  
Teal'c sat at the bench provided and carefully watched the man's every move carefully, which only caused the employee to become even more flustered and clumsy so that everything took even longer. Teal'c was unaware of this though and so it was another thirty minutes until he returned to the car. 


	7. Playing Mediator

Own nothing, never will. Pretty please, read and review. I'll even throw in a cherry and some sugar, would that make you more inclined?  
  
"What took you so long?" Jack demanded as Teal'c opened the car door.  
Teal'c glared at him, "The employee was most ineffectual."  
What followed was an intricate dance of Jaffa, pizza boxes and the Colonel's unhelpful hands. Sam was hysterical with laughter by the time Teal'c had situated himself in the font seat, tears were rolling down her cheeks and she was gasping for breath.  
Teal'c's attempts to turn and glare at her with nine pizza boxes in his lap only made things worse.  
Jack smiled and started up the car.  
When Sam's laughing had faded away into occasional giggles, Daniel decided to ask the question that had been intermittently annoying him for the last half hour. "So, Teal'c, what kind d'you get?"  
"Cheese."  
"You got nine plain pizzas?"  
"Indeed."  
"Are you serious?"  
Teal'c once again attempted to glare at the back seat.  
"Daniel," Jack said, trying to sound reasonable, "if you wanna eat what they've got in the commissary right now . . . "  
"Whatever," Daniel sighed.  
Conversation in the car died off. Jack was trying (unsuccessfully) to fight off a bout of road-rage. Sam's giggles had died away into a state of contentment and Daniel was counting the streetlights they drove by. Teal'c tried unsuccessfully to find a comfortable way to sit as the pizza's oils and heat slowly turned the once stiff cardboard into mush. Finally in frustration Jack slammed the heel of his hand on the horn.  
"Jack, we're at a stop light," Daniel said unhelpfully.  
"You realize how long I've been sitting in this car, Daniel?" Jack demanded.  
"No longer than I have," Daniel said.  
"Well, you're not driving."  
"At least it would give me something to do."  
"You want to deal with these . . . people!" Jack said, for lack of a better word, gesturing expansively at the cars around them.  
"I am known for my people skills," Daniel quipped.  
Jack snorted.  
"Guys," Sam began. "You wanna stop now?"  
Jack hit the horn again.  
"It's a red light!" Daniel exclaimed.  
"I know that!" Jack beeped again, causing almost every other car in the line to beep as well.  
"Looks like you're starting to piss people off."  
"Daniel," Jack said warningly.  
"Hold this," Teal'c thrust the pizza boxes at Jack.  
Jack yelped as a tower of soggy, warm cardboard loomed in front of him, he managed to grab it before Teal'c let its contents spill into his lap. He pushed against his seat back in an attempt to get far enough away from the steering wheel that he could hold the pizza comfortably and therefore, inadvertently pushed down on the gas pedal. In a stroke of luck the light turned green at that moment, Teal'c grabbed the wheel from Jack and deftly navigated the car down the next few blocks under its sudden burst of speed. Then, deciding he'd made his point, he retrieved the pizza from Jack and resumed staring out the side window.  
Jack glared at him indignant, until Carter's cry of "Colonel!" brought his eyes back to the road.  
Daniel wasn't sure whether he should smile or freak, as they veered away from the curb and back into the flow of traffic, except there was no flow by this point, seeing as most of the drivers who had been sharing the road with them decided that there were other routes that could be taken with less risk of bodily harm.  
"Did you have fun?" Daniel snapped.  
"No," Jack muttered, glaring at the road before him as if it had done him some grievous disservice "Well, maybe you—" "Would you two shut up!" Sam was finally losing the cool she'd somehow managed to maintain thus far. "Don't you think someone should make Jack aware of what an ass he's being?" Daniel said at the same time as Jack said, "I will if he will." "I can't believe you just said that." Sam smiled through her annoyance. She could actually believe he'd said it, she just never expected him to say it with such seriousness. "Well, I will if you will," Daniel said. "Good." "Good." Silence descended. This time Sam was thankful for it. 


	8. Court Martial

So, after I wrote this I realized Hammond's acting exactly like he does in 'The Gamekeeper' and that's not really even Hammond, but, well, they're supposed to be acting weird, right? I own nothing, please review.  
  
They had reached the base without much more fuss and were making their way triumphantly toward the commissary. Well, Jack was feeling rather triumphant, as was Sam, Daniel was being moody again and Teal'c was on the verge of frustration.  
The halls of the SGC were eerily quiet, there were a few people scattered randomly about the complex, sitting, or lying, or wandering around aimlessly. Jack and Sam's triumphant moods were quickly dissipating. Jack offered pizza to who ever looked in need of cheering up, most of it was refused.  
By the time they reached the commissary Jack felt like he was in some cheap zombie movie and each person they saw was likely to lunge at them and try to dismember him. Sam was sure that they hadn't been careful enough when getting the pizza and had somehow managed to infect all of Colorado Springs and soon the entire world would be overcome by random mood swings. Daniel didn't have any specific scenarios playing through his head, he was just sure things were bad. The fact that the pizza was beginning to get cold did not help matters at all.  
The commissary was as quiet as the rest of the SGC. And the nine boxes Teal'c set on the table looked forlorn and out of place.  
"Looks like we're gonna have to round people up," Jack said. "Sam you're with me, Teal'c you and Daniel check the lower levels, we'll get the upper ones." Jack knew they'd cover more ground if all four of them split up but he didn't want to come across someone who really WAS a zombie and find himself alone. So what if it took them a little longer? The worst that could happen was that the pizza became inedible, that would be pretty bad, but not as bad as being slowly masticated by a zombie. As soon as Carter and O'Neill turned their second corner they came across General Hammond.  
"Sir!" Sam called.  
Hammond jumped and whirled around. "You shouldn't sneak up on a superior officer Major Carter!"  
  
"We weren't sneaking. Sir," Jack said.  
"Are you defending her?" Hammond growled. "I could have you both court-martialed!"  
Jack was not in a mood to put up with this. "Sir, are you hungry?"  
"Hungry? Colonel O'Neill what are you suggesting?"  
"We just got some pizza, thought you might like some."  
"Did you violate base quarantine?" Hammond demanded.  
"No sir. We had Teal'c do it for us."  
"You allowed Teal'c off base?" Hammond was shocked, neither Jack nor Sam were exactly sure why.  
"Yes . . . sir," Carter looked at him confused.  
"No one is supposed to leave the base! We are under quarantine!"  
"But Teal'c's unaffected."  
"He could still be a carrier!"  
"But he's not," Sam said patiently, (she seems to have a knack for that).  
"He could be," Hammond insisted.  
"But he's not."  
"But he could be." Hammond was not in a mood to be contradicted.  
"But he's not."  
"How do you know that Major?" Hammond demanded. Jack began to wonder idly how much longer it would be 'till that vein on the General's head exploded.  
"I think Doctor Fraiser would have told us if he was."  
"She's in not in any better condition than either of you are."  
"I think you're much worse off than us," Jack said.  
"What are you insinuating, Colonel?" It would blow any minute now.  
Jack sighed, a long drawn out sigh. "Do you want any pizza? Sir."  
"Colonel—"  
"Yes or no. It's not a hard question."  
"You are coming very—"  
"Alright! No! That's all you need to say."  
"Do you have any idea—"  
"That's it! Come on Carter. Let's see if we can find Sergeant Davis." Jack and Sam turned their back on General Hammond and continued down the hallway.  
Hammond glared at their receding backs until they were lost from view.  
*  
Daniel and Teal'c found Sergeant Davis first. (I like him, okay? 'Sides the fact that I feel bad for him, I mean, 'Chevron one encoded . . . chevron two encoded.' And sometimes he doesn't even get to say that! Sorry, back to the plot, if you can call it that.) So, Daniel and Teal'c ran into Sergeant Davis, literally. He shrieked and darted off.  
"Bit of an over-reaction, don't you think?" Daniel said. Teal'c was already in hot pursuit. "But then that's even more of one," Daniel muttered and trotted after Teal'c.  
Teal'c quickly caught up with Sergeant Davis and placed a hand on his arm, easily restraining him.  
Daniel arrived a moment later, "Well, that was needless."  
"O'Neill told us to collect people."  
"For what?" Davis asked, his voice quavering.  
Teal'c simply raised an eyebrow at him, causing him to flinch.  
"For pizza," Daniel assured him.  
"What kind of pizza?" Sergeant Davis did not sound assured.  
"Plain," Daniel said, glaring at Teal'c. "Nine PLAIN pizzas."  
"Do I have too?"  
"Yes."  
"No." Daniel was still glaring. "Do whatever the hell you want." And he stormed off down the hallway.  
Sergeant Davis stared after him and then glanced nervously at Teal'c.  
"DanielJackson!" Teal'c called. Daniel ignored him. "We were told to stick together."  
"Dr. Jackson!" Davis cried.  
Daniel stopped mid-stride. Could he really leave the sergeant to contend with Teal'c alone?  
He whirled around. "Teal'c, come on. Sergeant Davis, it's in the commissary if you change your mind."  
"What's in the commissary?"  
"The pizza, Davis, the pizza. Come ON Teal'c!"  
Teal'c glared at Sergeant Davis once more and then jogged after Daniel.  
Davis looked around hastily, trying not to shake. That was the longest he'd ever spent with Teal'c, besides the times he had to ride the elevator with him. But this had been much, much more nerve-wracking.  
He looked around once more and then decided to go to the commissary, maybe Major Carter would be there and she could protect him.  
(See, he's got feelings too!) 


	9. Point One for the Home Team

Own nothing, never will, pretty please review.  
  
"Dr. Frasier!" Dr. Frasier looked up from her desk at the sound of her name and . . . what? I'm running out of strange moods to put people in. What shall Dr. Frasier do?  
Uhhhh, her lower lip trembled. There we go!  
"Dr. Frasier, are you feeling unwell?" Teal'c asked.  
She shook her head bravely at Daniel and Teal'c, who were standing in the door to her office. "I'm fine."  
"You do not appear to be Dr. Frasier," Teal'c said.  
"Well, I am," she insisted.  
"You want pizza?" Daniel was oblivious to the fact that Dr. Frasier was near tears.  
"No."  
"You sure?"  
"Yes," she resumed staring at the blank legal pad in front of her.  
"We've got a lot of it."  
Dr. Frasier ignored him.  
"She does not want any DanielJackson."  
"We have to find SOMEONE to eat it, it's already getting cold."  
"She does not want any!"  
"Are you sure, Janet?"  
Dr. Frasier jumped slightly at the sound of her first name. "What?" she asked, looking at them confused.  
"Are you sure you don't want any pizza?"  
"Yes."  
"It's plain old pizza, there's lots of it, all from Jack's second favorite pizza place," Daniel sounded oh-so excited about it.  
"I have work to do," Dr. Frasier said. "If you haven't noticed we're all under the influence—pizza! You went off base! We're under quarantine! Do you have any idea what that means? High and mighty SG-1 breaking the rules again. Don't you think you should take a moment and think about other people for a change?"  
Daniel tried to stop her tirade, to make an excuse. It was impossible, she simply talked over him, which Daniel did not appreciate at all, he began to rant right back at her.  
"You want the whole base to starve to death? The food in the commissary's all gone bad—"he didn't know this for a fact, but, he didn't really care.  
"We don't know what this virus can do! It might be deadly—"  
"You said we should just let it run its course, you want the whole SGC dead—?"  
"It could become more dangerous if it spread. We don't know what the long-term effects are. If—"Dr. Frasier was shouting at the top of her lungs.  
"You're overreacting, we were careful. We had Teal'c along he wouldn't—"Daniel's face was beginning to get red.  
"You're just too good for the rest of us aren't you? Earth's flag team, you don't have to follow the rules the rest of—"  
"You know how many times the earth would have been destroyed if we DID play by the rules? The Goa'uld would be on you in a snap and we wouldn't be there because—"  
"You're all alike, think about your own glory before the needs of others. It would—"  
Teal'c found this exchange—well, it wasn't an exchange because neither of them was listening to a word the other was saying but . . . anyway, Teal'c found it amusing for a little while, now it was just annoying, after attempting to intervene twice he turned on his heel and strode out of Dr. Frasier's office.  
"I should—"Daniel stopped abruptly, "Hey! Teal'c! I'll be back," he said, glaring at Dr. Frasier and then ran after Teal'c. "We're supposed to stick together," Daniel's voice trailed off down the hallway.  
Dr. Frasier smiled grimly to herself and began scribbling on her legal pad.

"Sh!" Sam hissed, and pressed Jack against the wall with her hand, "There's Sergeant Siler."  
Jack stared at her blankly.  
"You stay here," Sam said and snuck down the hall toward the Sergeant. She couldn't say why—of course, at this point no one could—but she felt that they needed to surprise Sergeant Siler, if they didn't sneak up on him he might disappear.  
"Carter!" Jack called. "Do you really think you should be giving me orders?"  
"Damn," Carter muttered, and then realized that Siler seemed oblivious to O'Neill's call, maybe there was still a chance.  
She continued creeping toward him, at a few feet away she reached down to pull out her Zat and was reminded that she didn't have one. "Crap." This was not going at all like she'd hoped.  
Jack shook his head, he wasn't sure what Carter was trying to do but he knew it wasn't working. He sighed and trotted down the corridor, "Sergeant Siler! You want some pizza?"  
Siler was still oblivious to the fact that either of them was there.  
"Sh!" Carter snapped.  
"Aw, leave him alone. Siler!"  
Siler jumped. "Sir!"  
Carter humphed and leaned against the wall sulkily.  
"You want some pizza?"  
"Pizza, sir?"  
"Yeah, there's some in the commissary."  
Siler looked at the two of them puzzled, "Where'd it come from sir?"  
"Little green men."  
"The Asgard brought us pizza?"  
"The Asgard are gray, Sergeant."  
"You've called them green before," Carter snapped.  
"I have not!" Jack sounded sincerely offended.  
Carter shook her head in exasperation and stared at the ceiling.  
"Where did it come from? Sir," Siler asked again, Carter and O'Neill were being even more confusing than usual.  
"'Pete's'," Jack said. "It won't bite, Siler."  
"Why would it bite, sir?"  
"Siler, do you want pizza or not?"  
"Yes, sir, I would."  
"Alright!" Jack crowed. "Point one for the home team." Clapping Siler on the back he headed him toward the commissary. Carter slunk along behind them. 


	10. And, Finally

I own nothing, and we won't get into what I'd do to own some of these characters. Pretty please review?  
  
"Woah," Jack said. "I didn't realize there were this many people on base." Which, may I remind you, is a reasonable thing to say, because most of the SG teams were off looking for the Tok'ra-leader-person.  
  
The Commissary almost looked busy. Both Dr. Fraiser and General Hammond had taken it upon themselves (after yet another mood-swing) to round up people as well, so whoever SG-1 hadn't gotten to was there anyway.  
  
Siler sniffed, caught the scent of pizza and darted towards the center of the room.  
  
"Hey!" Jack shouted, Siler continued on, heedless.  
  
The nine boxes of pizza had already been started, and were about half gone. This annoyed Jack, and he was about to say something about it when Sergeant Davis came rushing over. "Thank god you're here, keep an eye out for Teal'c. He's in a strange mood."  
  
"That's weird," Sam said.  
  
Davis looked at her puzzled.  
  
"He's the one who's supposed to be unaffected."  
  
Davis shrugged, and inched even closer to Sam as Daniel and Teal'c appeared in the doorway.  
  
Teal'c looked impressed, (at least for Teal'c) and Daniel glared. "They started without us?"  
  
"That's what I was going to say!" Jack said.  
  
"That hardly seems fair," Daniel responded.  
  
"You'd think after we went to all this work."  
  
"They'd at least offer us the first slice."  
  
"Left the base and managed not to get anyone infected."  
  
Sam tried to interject, "We don't know that for sure—"  
  
Daniel picked up where Jack had left off, "Used OUR money to get the pizza."  
  
"And then we were kind enough to share it," Jack said.  
  
"Made sure everyone got a slice."  
  
This time it was Teal'c's turn to argue the point. "You left Dr. Fraiser in her office without—"  
  
Jack wouldn't let him finish, "And even considered toppings before deciding to pick something everyone would enjoy."  
  
Sam frowned, "Actually Teal'c was the one who picked the toppings—"  
  
Daniel nodded at Jack and added, "We could've just stayed in the isolation room."  
  
"Where THEY put us."  
  
"The people now enjoying the fruits of our labor."  
  
"They didn't think to wait," Daniel shook his head, sounding truly dismayed.  
  
Teal'c tried again to interject, "It was getting cold. If they had—"  
  
There was no way Jack was going to let him ruin their rather enjoyable self-righteous frustration, "It would have been the least they could do."  
  
The four of them most likely would have continued on like this until another mood-swing hit them, but at that point General Hammond walked up.  
  
"SG-1, I commend you on a job well done. It really was a rather brilliant idea, wasn't it?"  
  
Jack beamed, "Yes sir, it was."  
  
"Thank you, Colonel."  
  
"Your wel—wait, what?"  
  
"Thank you. I'm proud of my idea."  
  
Jack glared. "YOUR idea?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
Carter had witnessed the same—oh, alright, ALMOST the same—exchange less than an hour earlier, was he going to threaten court-martial again? Sam didn't want to wait and see. "Sir, I've been meaning to discuss with you the allocation of missions to the SG teams," she said swiftly, grabbing General Hammond's elbow and leading him away from Jack.  
  
Jack glared after Hammond. "No one is showing any appreciation for what we went through."  
  
"Horrible traffic," Daniel said, beginning the criticism anew.  
  
"Unhelpful employees," that was Teal'c, he had succumbed, joining their rant.  
  
Jack and Daniel grinned at him and the three of them went to join Sam at the half-eaten pizza . . . and the camera pulls back to show everyone in the commissary, happy and sated, at least, until the virus runs its course, everything returns to normal and things start going wrong again.  
  
Well, thanks for reading! See you next time—whenever that is. 


End file.
